It's what we do...

Youth ministry. Some days you wonder how you have the energy to keep going, you wonder if you can keep doing it, that maybe there's something else out there you could do? Something not so demanding....surely the grass is greener on the other side. I look around and see others who are veterans in the work, who pour themselves into this work - I feel lazy, that I should be doing more, but I really wonder what more I can do as I am already so tired all the time? Blah, Blah, Blah...

Then there are other days where you're messing around with the kids, you're laughing, someone's talking about flatulents, and then the next minute desperate for advice on how to get along with their parents. Or the kid who you think is totally 'out to lunch' who completely floors you with a statement or question...These moments come out of nowhere, these kids come out of nowhere. I love these kids. Yes. They do stupid things, make poor decisions, are selfish at times - but wait - were we talking about them or me? The same things I can criticize them about are the same faults the Lord could call me on. And yet my heart is drawn to them, it desires so much more for them, to encourage, inspire, hold accountable, to love them.....

When I stop and look at my life, those moments of reality that flicker in and out. I chuckle and ask myself how in the world did I get here!?!? The truth. There's no other place I'd rather be. I am blessed in ways I don't fully understand. When I try to fully think it through, I'm overwhelmed. Crowder sings a song "Shadows" that resonates deep to my core.... Thank you Lord for the blessings in my life...how profoundly inadequate do those words seem, help my words and actions be a constant expression of my gratitude.

"Shadows"

Life is full of

light and shadow

O the joy and O the sorrow

O the sorrow

And yet will He bring

Dark to light

And yet will He bring

Day from night

When shadows fall on us

We will not fear

We will remember

When darkness falls on us

We will not fear

We will remember

When all seems lost

When we're thrown

and we're tossed

We remember the cost

We rest in Him

Shadow of the cross

Life on the West Coast

So as it turns out - I live in CA now. When did that happen? Who knew that my life would look so different 9 months ago?!!? I'm working at Rio Lindo Adventist Academy - so far so good. It's a great school, good students, and a genuine staff.... Yet there are still days that I catch myself saying 'we' when I reference Highland. I miss Highland, I keep waiting for the feeling of closure that I've left. That I'll wake up and this is all some kind of crazy dream - but so far reality doesn't seem to have hit yet. I wonder when and if it will? Life is so BUSY here and I'm up so late...whew! I miss walking into Becky's office and plopping down into the chair, I miss exercising in the morning with Nikie, I miss sitting at the staff table laughing and de-stressing, I miss girls flopping onto the couch in my office, worships in the dorm with my girls, Ad Council (okay, you know I'm just kidding about that one!!!), walking the loop with Trip and looking at the stars, the morning sunrise, harassing the kids at rec, the Highland Church, my chemistry class, days off with Wendy, journaling at Panera or Starbucks (I miss Panera, the closest one is like 60 miles from here!!!!).....*sigh* It's a new look, this life out here. Not bad - just different.

I'm Jennifer out here, I have a boyfriend, which people have known from the start - so it's not new and curious to them. I'm still a little crazy. My lab apron has been turned in for a Religion II textbook and class full of Sophomores. My days off are even fewer and further off. The Lord has blessed me so much in this experience - I am so grateful! Jerrod has been an awesome blessing in my life - teaching me a lot about myself and life. The 6hrs drive is pretty lame, but it's much better than the 36 hrs we were! Well I can barely keep my eyes open - so 'til next time....perhaps the time frame won't be as long as before.